


The port in her storm

by ellewriting



Category: Private Practice
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-28 18:13:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3864784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellewriting/pseuds/ellewriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Addison finds the courage to make a confession to Amelia. Post Intervention. Inspired by and sequel to "The Wisdom to Know the Difference"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The port in her storm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flipflop_diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Wisdom to Know the Difference](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1847983) by [orangesandlemons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangesandlemons/pseuds/orangesandlemons). 



Car parked at the curb, Addison looked up from the window of the cab, to her home. A mix of thoughts engulfed by fantasies, white foamy waves sinking in the dark blue water beneath, took a hold of her.

Until the cab driver spat out the fare for the ride, interrupting her thoughts that were taking her right back to that night, when she was there for Amelia, when Amelia needed her most. He patiently waited for her fumbling through her bag for cash and bid her a very good nite, passing over his card in exchange. Addison had tipped him way, way beyond what could be expected at this time of the night. Or the day, for that matter because it turned out one drink turning into six meant it was four in the morning. The neighborhood was bathed in the calm that precedes sunrise, and birds could be heard chirping, piercing through the silence. Addison was always that generous selfless being that everybody knew she was. That Amelia knew she was. And yet this time she had tipped the taxi driver so much because she was unbelievably drunk.

Inelegantly, she stumbled out of the cab, answering the driver she doesn’t need any help getting out. _What is wrong with me,_ she thought to herself, _I’m not 20 anymore_ , _I am far far away from 20_. _What is this doing to me._ She took a deep breath, filling her lungs with cool early morning air. The coolness all went to her head lifting the thick, suffocating veil of doubt, and in turn revealing clarity. It turned out to be a little too much, so she took a seat on the steps of her house, leaning her head against the concrete edge of her door and with a smile etched of her face, drunkenness seeping slowly from her head and her body she entered a state of semi awareness and lucidity. Not yet sober but not drunk either. She suddenly realized she missed Amelia in those very moments, wished she were sitting with her and admiring this cool crack of dawn together with her. She missed Amelia’s presence and it was all accentuated by the ordinary beauty of a new day unravelling in front of her. She had wanted to share this commonplace moment with her. Amelia had become a missing piece in Addison’s life. As if couldn’t feel whole anymore.

Addison took a deep breath and wobbled inside her house. She made her way on the stairs and with each step she found her mind more and more convinced that she needs to see Amelia. And she needs to tell Amelia her feelings. She couldn’t bear this any longer.

She slowly crept into her room, where the morning light was already invading the premises, through the half opened blinds, throwing geometric lines over the wall opposite the large window.

Addison leaned into the frame, and allowed that immense feeling of infinite love to warm up her entire being. More courage flew into her and she stepped in, further into the room sitting down on the edge of the bed leaning her body over Amelia’s naked shoulders peering from under the covers. Her hand reached out to get black tresses out of the her face. 

She released a sleepy grown and then jumped up scared: “ _Addison!_ _”_

Her big blue eyes opened up, scared half to death. She pulled the covers over her while she struggled to sit up instantly.

“What happened ? Did anybody die ?”. She yelled almost, while using one hand to frantically tame her tangled tresses blocking her view.

“No”. Addison tried calming her down, half smiling, the warmth of love still filling her, and patting gently on Amelia’s covered up legs.

“Oh”, she sighed relieved and paused looking still somewhat scared back to Addison and waiting for a continuation.

“I was . . . you were sleeping so peacefully . . . a long pause filling the room again for what must have felt like an eternity, but not to Addison. To Addison everything was in slow motion. You are so strong you were able to get over this relapse. I . . . admire you, and I love you very much. I wanted you to know that.”

“I do know that you love me . . . maybe too much for what I deserve . . .” she whispered trailing off the sentence and looking down at the bedsheets, in guilt.

“You deserve love Amelia. You are an exceptional person. And I have to tell you something. Something that scares me. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. In fact, I’ve been denying it for a very long time and struggling with my feelings. But generally denying it. But now I feel I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep this to myself anymore. Tonight I may have found the courage to tell you.”

Amelia’s pupils grew wider. Addison took both Amelia’s hands into hers, allowing the covers to start trailing down Amelia’s body and while looking down for some moments she started:

“I love you, as more than my sister and I have never stopped thinking of you as more than that, since that night back at the Browstone in New York. I mean, I stopped sometimes”, Addison added cheekily, “but most of the times you are there in my head. And the possibility of having more, is in my mind.”

Nothing came out of Amelia’s mouth, just paralysis written all over her face. She had thought of the possibility of having more too. But right now there were too many competing emotions going on her in head, after just having exited rehab; thoughts swarming in her head like dumb fish in a tank, going round and round, never realizing they were going in circles. But still content and living one day a time, not really thinking ahead, making dreams, having wishes, expectations. Just surviving. 

“It’s ok I know it’s a lot to process and it’s horrible of me to lay this on you like this, so soon after . . . I will go and we can . . . talk about it sometime . . . if you want. Only if you want”, she emphasized while starting to get off the bed, embarrassed, now alcohol draining from her body fast.

“Wait, Addison.”

Addison turned around, with exceptional rapidity fueled by immense hope, the kind only lovers have.

“That is . . . thank you for telling me this. It was the right choice to tell me. It _is_ a lot to process and you know I’m damaged goods. I took so much from you, and I don’t want to end up hurting you again. That thought scares me.”  

Just as Addison tried to interrupt her Amelia put her fingers over Addison’s mouth and continued:

“But what scares me just as much, is the thought of losing you again. I lost you once already to Derek, then the divorce. Addison it wasn’t just that night for me. It started long before and continued long after. I could never say anything, and frankly I couldn’t understand what I felt at that time, but I knew I couldn’t be between you and my brother. Then life happened. And here we are together on another night, in another time. I feel our time has finally come. But first I need to find a way to forgive myself, for the pain I’ve caused you.

Elated by this unexpected revelation Addison was quick to declare: “I forgive you right now”

“I know you forgive me, but I have to forgive me too. Let me make it up to you. Let me show you how much I love you, and how much I want to be with you. Stay with me, sleep with me for the last few hours left of this night.”

When she woke up, in Addison’s tight embrace, Amelia knew, Addison would lead her back to herself, on this final stretch towards renewed sobriety. And once she really made it on the other side, Amelia was determined to love Addison more fiercely than anybody else ever did in her life, because Addison deserved more than anybody else.


End file.
